Monday, December 31, 2012

2012 was cool and also cats

This morning someone launched fireworks in my ear to wake me up and I sat up and realized; NEW YEAR.


As I was calmly considering the meaning of time and the universe, I hit my cranium on the headboard and it jostled my thoughts about into a more acceptable frame of mind i.e. Not Insane.

2012 has been an incredible year.

I wrote three books. One of them got me represented by a fantastic agent who supports me and guides me in all the right ways. May 11th, my agent called me out of the blue and offered rep. The rest is history.

By June, we were on sub.

I am lucky and incredibly lucky and so freaking lucky and grateful that my submission time was relatively painless. I missed a whole world of horrible anguish. I got my share of kind rejections and static silence, and through it all my writing friends supported me.

Sometimes, before I became represented, I woke up with stress nightmares. Querying for three years took its toll, and only after I'd signed with my agent did the nightmares stop. My faith in myself, my work, and my agent became a driving force in my life. If the book got picked up, great. If it didn't, okay, fine, I can write an even better one! Just knowing there was someone in my corner (Hi Jessica!!) gave me the confidence to forge forward. And that's true to this day.

August 25th, Jessica let me know we had an offer. From a fantastic, mind-blowingly awesome editor and house.

I can't describe the moment. I should be able to, since I'm a writer. The closest thing I've got is the feeling you have when the roller coaster goes down too fast and your stomach lifts off your intestines and the little hollow floods with suspense. And then the coaster sits flat and everything gets back in place and you're so grateful for it, for feeling full and right again.

I talked to Sharyn and I knew. I knew the book belonged to her, and us, but most of all she got it. PRETENDING TO BE ERICA had not only found a good home, but the right home.

I did a lot of silly crying.

Because feeling right, seeing things become right, that's the best feeling in the world.

A few days after that I turned twenty-two and halloween and thanksgiving and christmas. I was a judge in PitchWars and got to read so many amazing manuscripts. I went on my first blind date (!!!), which is insane because I hate dates and am ridiculously shy, but hey, I DID IT. I became friends with lots more writers. I saw writer friends become better and faster and happier and sadder. The world gets so big the less you see, gets so small the more you see, and it's pretty and momentary but always there under the surface, like a tidepool.

When there's a lot of water, a lot of things, we can't see it. When there's a little water, we can see.

And now New Years.

I think most of all, what I learned this year is that living is scary. But fun.

Most of all, I learned that dreams really do come true. I was a cynic and I still am but holy shit. Life schooled me this year. It slapped me in the face and said "how dare you underestimate me". And that's made this year my best one so far.

I can do anything!

So can you!

Isn't that scary.

It's not about the journey, or the end. It's not about who you are or who you'll become. It's about finding what makes you happy. Happiest. And going for it really hard. All or nothing.

Because right now, you are all. And you are nothing.

Thank you. yes. you.

If you're scared, hold my hand. I'll be here for you if you need it.

Let's go.


  1. Haha, I LOVE this post! I seriously can't stress it enough! It was the pep talk i needed! Thank you much & Congrats on the awesome bitch slap you got this year! ;) I am sure 2013 will be just as awesome! :)
    Happy New Years!

  2. life must think you're awesome. because I certainly do.

  3. I got chills reading that. you are amazing and your brilliant post is a testament to how truly brilliant a writer you are. xoxoxo

  4. You shouldn't RITE sweary, dear, God Almighty hears everything we say... whether you're an atheist or an agnostic, doesnt matter seeing as 1-outta-1 croaks, dear. So keep it down to a mini/mum or dont speak at all. It aint gonna kill ya, dear. Lemme fill-you-up withe avant-gardeness and wisdom necessary to achieve Seventh-Heaven...

    Wanna find-out the fax, Jak, in a wurld fulla MissKonceptions? Wanna wiseabove to help a 'Plethora Of Wurdz' which are look'n for a new home in your novelty?? Yay!

    Q: But [gulp] can anyone tell me the difference between K2 and IQ? A: Nthn. In Heaven, we gitt'm both for eternity HA! Need a few more thots, ideers, wild wurdz (whoa, Nelly! easy, girl!) or ironclad iconoclasms? Voila!!

    VERBUM SAT SAPIENTI: As an ex-writer of the sassy, savvy, schizophenia we all go thro in this lifelong demise, I wanna help U.S. git past the whorizontal more!ass! we're in (Latin: words to [the] wise)...

    "This finite existence is only a test, son," God Almighty told me in my coma. "Far beyond thy earthly tempest is where you'll find tangible, corpulent eloquence". Lemme tella youse without d'New Joisey accent...

    I actually saw Seventh-Heaven when we died: you couldn't GET! any moe curly, party-hardy-endorphins, extravagantly-surplus-lush Upstairs (in [the] end without end -Saint Augustine) when my o-so-beautifull, brilliant, bombastic girly passed-away due to those wry, sardonic satires.

    "Those who are wise will shine as brightly as the expanse of the Heavens, and those who have instructed many in uprightousness as bright as stars for all eternity" -Daniel 12:3, NJB

    Here's also what the prolific, exquisite GODy sed: 'the more you shall honor Me, the more I shall bless you' -the Infant Jesus of Prague.

    Go gitt'm, girl. You're incredible. See you Upstairs. I won't be joining'm in the nasty Abyss where Isis prowls
    PS Need summore unique, uncivilized, useless names? Lemme gonna gitcha started, brudda:

    Oak Woods, Franky Sparks, Athena Noble, Autumn Rose, Faith Bishop, Dolly Martin, Willow Rhodes, Cocoa Major, Roman Stone, Bullwark Burnhart, Magnus Wilde, Kardiak Arrest, Will Wright, Goldy Silvers, Penelope Summers, Sophie Sharp, Violet Snow, Lizzy Roach, BoxxaRoxx, Aunty Dotey, Romero Stark, Zacharia Neptoo, Mercurio Morrissey, Fritz & Felix Franz, Victor Payne, Isabella Silverstein, Mercedes Kennedy, Redding Rust, Phoenix Martini, Ivy Squire, Sauer Wolfe, Yankee Cooky, -blessed b9 ...shake well B4 use!

    God blessa youse
    -Fr. Sarducci, ol SNL